Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
