Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
