So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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