she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
