then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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