he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
