i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
