I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
