I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This house was built for laser tag.
she told me i tasted like america
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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