So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
