No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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