hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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