he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
