Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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