I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
