My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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