ADVERTISEMENT

• (914): View more from New York

  Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?

  Fav 36 916 1181

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Fav 20 7816 1671

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

  Fav 18 7530 2552

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.

  Fav 15 1312 3611

  share tweet
  

• (980): View more from North Carolina

  I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!

  Fav 15 2338 1561

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.

  Fav 3 789 1260

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.

  Fav 3 699 1144

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Braid them armpits, sister.

  Fav 1 1627 983

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.

  Fav 4 808 1449

  share tweet
  

• (971): View more from Oregon

  It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food

  Fav 1 732 565

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.

  Fav 0 381 501

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+61): View more from Australia

  ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR

  Fav 0 221 282

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.

  Fav 3 381 198

  share tweet
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.

  Fav 0 50 2

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (516): View more from New York

  The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.

  Fav 0 67 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize