Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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