3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
