Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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