you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
