Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
