worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
