see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
