I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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