R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I AM VODKA MAN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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