You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
