Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
