why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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