oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
