ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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