How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
