He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
