He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
