dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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