just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
