We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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