____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
