I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i out mim tonsoeep
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