her vagine was all disorganized.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
