i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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