Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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