Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How's work?
Spinning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who died my cat blue again?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
