me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
