8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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