as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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