apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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