so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
