I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
