saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
