Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
