I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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