I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
