On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
