You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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