Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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