My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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