Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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