why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize