I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
