The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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