thus making me awesome and them whores
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My life is pants optional.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
