And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
