I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
