Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's always time for handjobs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
