So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
