so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
