Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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