Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
