Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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