What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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