he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
