It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
