She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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