I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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