you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
