Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
