I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
