HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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