and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a hot homeless man
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
