we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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