That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
