apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
