Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My dick has a subreddit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
