I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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