I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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