I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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