try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
