the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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