Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
