Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
