Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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