Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
