Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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