Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize