Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
