R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The Olympian is in my bed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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