Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
