i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
