It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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