I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
