Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
