Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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