Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
