you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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