Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
