sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
