Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
