Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize