The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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