If i come over, it means nothing
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
