it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Are my feet made of real feet?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
