Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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