Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
