Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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