you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
