Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
