3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cockslap morals
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
