Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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