I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
