so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
